(I backdated this entry to when I wrote it so it would not show when it was typed.)
I am thinking about friends, friendship and things like that….
Best friend; Who qualifies to be a best friend? I have only had one, who I knew enough to cherish every second I spent with, I had a feeling already from the beginning that it wouldnt last too long… Still I cant help but miss him sometimes…
He hurt me once, because of some stupid bet we had made, he wasn’t honest with me. I forgave him for it after a week or so, but I am unsure whether or not he forgave my reaction.. I think he got a bit chocked by it…
Somehow we drifted apart and we are no longer parts of eachothers lives, only the faraway thoughts… We are different, we come from 2 different worlds.. but still we got along great on some deeper level..
Friends; What is a friend? I have a few friends, very frew of them are ”my own age” most of them are older… Only two or three live in my country… Friends can be Acquaintances/not so well known friends or Good friends…
Good friends;
List of places I have Good Friends (by my own definition) in: the U.S., Italy, New Zealand perhaps, Mallorca(Majorca), Peru, The NL and maybe the UK… 3 of these friends I have never met…
’Acquaintances’;
Places I have less good friends in: Thailand, all over Sweden, London, Australia, U.S. and Argentina…
These people that I regard as good friends are people who would not think twice about doing or asking for almost any kind of favour. These are who I trust to tell things, Who know who I am, what I am like, and still want to be my friends.
They accept my grammar for what its like too 😉
The Acquaintances are those who might put ’doing suss a favour’ at the very last spot of their ”to do list”. They do not know all of me, now I of them.
I wish I had a friend with a large field and a ’box’ to spare… (for my pony)
I usually find myself having friends well above my age-range. I feel childish around them, but I also feel good… well.. content… I feel they accept me for who I am, and are not like some ”grown ups” who seem to think that children has nothing to say.. Only that I can come through to those people too now, I am no longer a child…
Hmm.. I should type this too… because I wrote it there… so I should…
I have been oddly suicidal lately… Going around wondering why anything mattered, We’re all gonna die anyway.. I am usually good at distracting or preventing others from having these kind of thoughts… but not when it comes to me… I seem to have realized it is true…
Why live at all when
you’re gonna die anyway?
It’s not like I dont wanna live, I do, I jusr dont see a point in it anymore… I used to think I would ”go with the flow” take everyday as it came etc…
I have lost track of the ’flow’ and am spinning down misery lane.. Nah, not quite that bad yet… I am not unhappy, not sad, I am content with how things are and with the situation… mainly… just a bit worried about my pony…
Maybe that is it? I feel like life id not worth living without him?…..
I wish people who read my livejournal would comment, so I know how many actuallu do read it regulary… 4 I know of…. I just wonder if there are more… ^_- hehe *hugs to all willing*